jeez i would love to order that thing online, but i don’t know what size to order it in because women’s clothing sizes are determined by the alignments of the planets in relation to the fuck you galaxy
"i tried to look cute today but i still look bad" - the tragic story of my entire existence
ways people have tried to pronounce panini at work within the last 2 weeks:
I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.
I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off as Creepy: a feature-length film with two sequels and a TV series adaption.
I Was Trying To Tell You I Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel saga with several side book adaptions and a movie.
I’ve been laughing for three years over the fact that in ye old England you could chose to have ‘trial by cake’ in which you ate a piece of cake and if you choked you were guilty and if you didn’t you were innocent, and the only time it was used the guy on trial fucking choked and was executed for it